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| i remember a lot. about all of you and you
the way you held my frozen hand as we clung to the warmth of the fire
the way you brushed my hair out of my face and always spoke with awe
the way you furrowed your eyebrows while your eyes were shut
the way you and i breathed under water
the way you took the weight of embarrassment
the way you created smiles
the way you humiliated yourself
the way you moved us to sigur ros
the way you clung to me as we were moved by sigur ros
the way you hated my family
the way you loved my family
the way you made my heart leap when i saw your name on my phone
the way you looked on number 9
the way you and your eyes smiled
the way you took me by surprise
the way you grabbed my hand as we ran through the streets
the way you tasted after a cigarette
the way you breathed whispers onto my ears
the way you and i fit
the way you and i fought
the way you and i hurt
the way you always came back
the way you always made me come back
the way you couldn't stand strong
the way you and i couldn't last
the way you wanted things to be
the way you dealt with problematic situations
the way you cut me off
the way you let me in
the way you sat down to talk about everything
the way you gave me good job back pats
the way you and i used night time minutes efficiently till there was no more night time
the way you and i spent time together
the way you had me scatterbrained
the way you cleared up everything
the way you directed me
the way you mislead me
the way you helped me
the way you hindered me
the way you and i struggled to stay together
the way you and i struggled to stay apart
the way you know what only one other person knows
the way you make me identify old spice
the way you make me identify axe
the way you laughed at something stupid
the way you made me laugh at something stupid
the way you made me feel stupid
the way you made me feel too smart
the way you told me this was forever
the way you forgot me
the way you cant forget me
the way you wont ever be forgotten
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| i just realized how long i've had this.
at least four years.
four. years.
four years ago, i was fourteen, naive, and testing cynicism.
throughout the four years, i have grown, failed, prospered, fallen into despair, and the etc.
now what.
i am about to undergo four more years of development.
if i grew as much as i did the last four, you might as well call me grandma.
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| the one thing i hate
my innability to focus on my present task (research paper) especially when the sun is setting.
however, i do like using jim gaffigan in my research paper.
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| today is the first day i've been able to sleep in for a long time.
how i miss sleep. | | |
| i wonder if i'll actually stay home for more than a week this month.
i hope not.
i can't figure out why i find relief when i leave. there is nothing wrong with my home. my family. my friends.
school is not ridiculous. work has not been demanding.
but why can't i discard this feeling of disdain and anxiety every time i drive towards my home.
there's a sick feeling like i left a couple of my organs at the grocery store.
it seemed as if i still had all of them when you were around.
now that you're gone so are my innards.
won't you give them back to me?
i like completion.
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